Should I? Yes. Will I? most likely no.

i just...... yah.

i'm not sure how i feel about today.



so, i am *FINALLY* in my new house. and its been great, despite the fact that nearly all my plumbing completely sucks and is failing me. to make a long story short, i may have to start doing dishes in the bathtub. which seriously, i am not looking forward to.

but i was doing good. things were coming together. it felt like my world was looking up.

but then i got sad.

not too sad. just a little sad. it was one of those momentary lapses where i feel completely shoved aside, as though i am not worth it and am not important. que abandonment issues T___T. i have to remind myself that i am responsible for the position i have put myself in. i have to remember my place. and at the end of the day, i have to learn to live with the fact that i am a second choice; a side dish, not the main course. if i can't accept that, than i have to change my position. but i also have to remember that if i change my position, i may lose a few things. so i have to decide for myself whether those things are important enough that i am willing to continue to be "like this".  to be quite honest, i'm not sure. that's the funny thing about knowing what you should do, what the ethical choice is. but you don't want to do it. for whatever reason. and you continually ask yourself "what should i do?".

i do know what i should do. but, most likely, i won't do it.

so i'll handle the consequences. reap what i sow. yadda yadda.

for now, here's a WIP that, most likely, i will never finish. ever so often i like to try painting in photoshop, and it usually never gets completed. but that's okay, we'll call it "practice".

this is Tacey, one of the secondary characters in "The Goose Girl". she currently has no mouth, and a misplaced nose.

Curevore 01 - Cure Aqua

Inspiration Pick: Claire Keane

although Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney movie (the artwork is amazing XD), my favorite Disney Princess is Rapunzel. While the film Tangled was wonderfully done, I have to say that one of my favorite aspects of it is the artwork done by Claire Keane.

 Claire Keane is the daughter of none other than the animating legend Glen Keane. If you don't know who that is, please google it. Seriously. Inform yourself.

Anyway, this is my "Inspiration Pick" for today. Her use of texture and color is soft and mysterious, and fits wonderfully (or at least i think so) with the more mature side of the Rapunzel story. Her designs for the film were feminine and whimsic, and honestly, i wish there was a stronger feel of it in the finished product. Though i must say the influences of Claire are definitely present in Tangled.

 As girly as i myself am, i do tire of over-girlyness. too much pink makes my right eyeball twitch. So i love the mix of classic femininty in these paintings. It doesn't feel like you're getting shot in the eyeball with girlyness.

i know i used "eyeball" twice in that paragraph but it needed to be done.

my favorite and final painting for this post. i hope to adopt some of the texture and interest of this style by practicing with it. its so different from what i usually do, but im hoping to expand my abilities and at the same time, capture a feeling in my artwork that seeps with mystery and fantasy the way this work does.

artsy-fartsy and online gaming

so, have you ever seen the episode of "The Big Bang Theory" called "The Barbarian Sublimation"?

Well, if you have, i would just like to say, ----- i do not have cheetos in my hair.


these past few weeks have been a strange mix of happiness and frustration. i am really enjoying the fashion program at my school, im happy that im finally living with my boys (though not yet in our home), and am getting to spend some lovely quality time with my sister. however, i am STILL NOT in my new home, am having rather poor luck with dating, and have been eating like a pig.

so, while hanging out with my boys, Akira got me addicted to "Dragon Saga", an MMORPG. he, myself, and Lulu have been pulling all-nighters in a determination to level up XP. i am back at my parents house, and spent WAY too much time on it. despite feeling like a lazeball, i am rather pleased with myself for being a level 21 monk.

someone please save me from myself o___o

BUT, i am being somewhat productive: here is a piece im working on while it was in sketch phase, and the current progress of the colors. it makes me feel better about being useless and addicted to online gaming @__@

i wish i was eating that crepe right now. but its alright-- i had delicious Chocolate Chai Milk Tea :3

almost no longer not-quite-homeless

i got my new glasses. they are big and square and nerdy. i like them. i look like a geek; which is why i like them :3

that tangent tidbit being said, i was very happy to hear that my Royal Manor may finally be ready for us to move in. The listing agent, who was a very nice British woman with too much lipliner, had high hopes for closing the deal and having us in by the end of the week. Despite her confident tone, i myself will not trust too much to hope. seeing as the phrase "any day now" has been floating around for a month. actually, more than a month. like, a month and a half.

but hey, who needs solid dates and deadlines when you have useless generic tautology?

in the meantime, here is a sketch of Minuet Fleischer, my little goose girl.

A Little Misery

its a very surreal feeling when suddenly, nothing matters anymore.

had i been at home, and my things been stationed in their usual precise placement around my room, i think it safe to say that i would swept my arm across each flat surface, flinging all those items i had spent such careful hours selecting, letting them crash into the walls, or crumble to the ground, because for me, they had lost all meaning. i would have sunk to the carpet, or possibly curled up in the rubble, and cry for those things lost. not because they were broken, but because their importance had disappeared.

all importance has disappeared.

but i digress, because i was NOT at home, and all of my things are NOT placed around my room, in a precise manner, as they usually are, because my things are all in boxes, awaiting the eventual move that will happen "any day now" (or so i've been told for a month). its probably better that way; they are protected that way. they sit in boxes ironically labelled "handle with care". why should they be handled with care? does it really matter if they break? i suppose i used to think so. but now, i think part of me would relish in a morbid, slightly ritualistic destruction of them. like a cleansing of these "things" from my life.

because once again, i hoped. i pressed my face eagerly against the glass, only to be looking in at the candy store, but never allowed to taste the sweets. because other girls are lucky. not me. other girls meet a man, start a relationship, fall in love, and live blissfully with that person. often at their first time at bat. but for me, i just swing and miss until my arms are tired.

so, to all my things, my little "once precious" posessions, i apologize. you are haneously useless. you are but little broken dreams packed in newspapers and bubble wrap, trapped in a cardboard darkness. i wish that you could comfort me, but it seems that once you know what you want, anything else just seems a waste. and all that i want is in someone else's arms.

what's worse, is all that i want has someone else in his heart.

so i'll retire my thoughts for now and swim in a little misery.