Confession no. 3

okay so it's November, which means i need to change my layout to a new character, and therefore i technically shouldn't be using a SeeU icon. but since i haven't changed my layout yet, and really, no one reads this anyway, i don't think it matters much.

and with that being said, i hereby make another confession.

i'll keep this one short.

i'm mad at someone because they keep hurting me. but is it fair to be mad at them when they haven't done anything on purpose? its not THEIR fault i keep getting hurt. really its my own fault. in the first place, its my own stupid fault for not listening to the advice of people around me. secondly, its my own stupid fault for being so carefree about my emotions. i have this positivly terrible habit of loving people too much, oftentimes when they haven't earned it.

i can't help it--- i just get attached to people. besides, i don't think that people should have to earn love; everyone deserves to be loved. but at the same time, that does not mean you should get yourself so ridiculously attached to a person that you get your own heart stomped on because they aren't living up to your expectations or needs.

but i digress.

i don't know if i can say that i'm "mad" at you; if i had to put my feelings into words, its more sadness than anger. i'm sad dejected because i'm not important to you.  i think about you so much, i always include you in my life, i always go out of my way for you. but you don't do those things for me. i used to think i was important to you, but now, i think i was mistaken. i think that you are fine without me. i think you care more for someone else, you are more worried about them, and having them in your life, and thinking about them and spending your free time with them. i'm more of a way to occupy time when there's nothing better to do.

i'm such a fool.